I do not enjoy the Saturday Portland farmer’s market.
This was taken last year. It looks fine, doesn’t it? DO NOT BE FOOLED.
I don’t go very often since I get most of our produce through our CSA, but I was there a while back to pick up green beans for dilly beans.*
I try to be a patient and good person, and I feel like there are areas of my life when I am generous and patient toward other people in the world. But I am unable to access those parts of myself at the Saturday farmer’s market.
Here are the flaws:
1. The layout sucks. It’s one long runway, basically, meaning that people wanting to chat with each other are blocking people wanting to buy or browse produce who are blocking people who just want to get past everyone to the stall where they’re selling herbs. Everyone is in each other’s way, constantly.
2. it’s full of people who go to the farmer’s market to hang out and buy one super pretty tomato and chat with farmers and have a smoothie and stop and listen to the bongo players and then bike home with their fixed gear bikes and twee bike baskets and flirty sundresses. You are the worst. It’s like going to the grocery store and having it be full of people who are there just to enjoy the atmosphere.
3. The bongo players.
4. Oh god, you people have got to fucking walk faster.
5. There is no real available parking.
It is lovely if what you want is to spend a bit of time outside and amble slowly amongst people who don’t shower enough. It kind of sucks if you’re actually planning to buy groceries.
On the other hand, and to prove that my heart is not a frozen stone dug up in the depths of winter from the Siberian tundra and placed within my ribcage, I do enjoy the Wednesday farmer’s market in Monument Square downtown. The layout is vastly better, it’s less crowded, and I think because it’s on a weekday, you have to deal with fewer leisure shoppers.
* Pro tip: Figure out when you’re going to have time for canning BEFORE you buy 2 1/2 pounds of green beans and pick 12 pounds of blueberries.